Wednesday, March 24, 2010

feeling guilty

have you ever felt being someone bad?
yea, I DID. couple days ago, I felt that way. I've been the worst man alive ever.
you know why? it's caused I did hurt somebody feeling.
maybe I hurt someone a lot, but this time was different. I was like hurting him slightly, which is I never ever done it before. you don't even know how I feel.
let's make it a quick-story-telling, I've been in a get-to-know progress with someone recently, actually he's my old friend and we've been a good friends, all of the sudden others friends are trying to make us getting closer. at the first time, everything looks just fine but afterward it's just wrong. weird. awkward. inconvenient. I feel like, 'men, this time I'm in a wrong track' where the is hell my principe? I said, that once as a friend always be friends for good. but then I break my words. and I FAILED.
I couldn't make it through with someone which I don't have the same way with him. thus, I decided to take a retreat slowly like; I replied the message if it's necessary and so on. after that act, one of my friends asked me about that stuff and to be frank, I couldn't tell her the truth. I hide it up with laugh and try to talked another topics. but then, the truth release sweetly from my own mouth and the first thing in my mind was 'what am I talking about? screw you, Ranti'
they asked me to say what I feel for real which I got busted, then I told them everything I have done. and asked for their help to give him a 'sign' that am not into it any longer.
then, that night them all talked to him and tell everything I've said. BUT THEN! NIGHTMARE CAME TO ME. yea! he called me and told me that he knew everything. while at that time, I should give him certainty. VOILA! that was it, I became a heartless couple days night ago.

NOTE : I've never refuse someone directly. I always gave them a sign before they moved too far with me. I can't say it, yep! that is the immature side of me. just couldn't. this is for the first time I pulled it out. I'm deeply sorry to you, am not as you think for real, I just beyond your expectation.

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