besties honor

last week my dearest bestie asked me to be a judge for their cheap-date-competition. the competition are; each person only gave about 5Ok for their date, they have to be very creative and well manage the budget. then as a judge, i can't wait to see how creative they are. it happened 2 weeks, it's split up by they turn. actually they did the vote from their friends also, and they counted me in.

you can see cheap-date-competition from here.

and whom i choose is,
CYNTHIA ANDANSARI a.k.a APHE

i choose her because;
.
she's more creative than her hubby, she planned some game and made the day was so bright.


teach us to love a simple things, there's a loads of place beside mall to hangout.
.
hey? who thinks about picnic? we missed it for a long time. we haven't remember when the last picnic.
.
she manage a 50k so well, she taught for being thrifty.
.
prepare things to be taken from house, its more hygienist then




launched firework at night made the day
.
choose the perfect movie that stand behind a colorful day
.
and the last one ... she brought a colorful day with a remarkable date ever :)

so, wait for the real winner she will announced as soon as possible.

zooey deschannel

she pull out the great aura

look through her eyes like a crystal ball

her brown long hair delicate as a silk

light skin of hers was so flawless

over all, she is adorable.

"I love old music, old movies, screwball comedies, vintage clothes, and basically I'm an old-fashioned gal."

HERS.

500 days of summer

boy meets girl. boy falls. girl doesn't

this is not a love story. this is story about love.

Summer: Ok. I, like being on my own. I think relationships are messy and people’s feelings get hurt. Who needs it? We’re young, we live in one of the most beautiful cities in the world; might as well have fun while we can and, save the serious stuff for later.

*

Rachel Hansen: Tom, I know you think she was the one, but I don't. Next time you look back, I think you should look again.

*

Narator: Most days of the year are unremarkable. They begin, and they end, with no lasting memories made in between. Most days have no impact on the course of a life.

*

Tom: “We don’t have to label what we’re doing. I just… I need some consistency. I need to know you won’t wake up tomorrow and feel a different way.”

Summer: “I can’t promise you that. Nobody can. Anyone who does is a liar.”

*

Tom: People don't realize this, but loneliness is underrated.

*

Rachel Hansen: Just because she's likes the same bizzaro crap you, doesn't mean she's your soulmate.

*

Summer: "I just woke up one day, and I knew."

Tom: "Knew what?"

Summer: "What I was never sure of, with you"

*

Rachel: Tom.

Tom: Hmm?

Rachel: I know you think she was the perfect girl for you…

I don’t. I think you’re just remembering the good stuff.

*

some of them are from here

500 days of summer was totally awesome ! it's drama, ironic, pathetic, yet gorgeous. me lovey it so much. here are the quotes that touches me.

love living in autism

sorry for my lack time to posted something.

last saturday, i lived on my autism-world. world which just contains my-joy, books, songs and also coffee. when the rain came so hard, people busy with their own activity, the roads hectic like used to, i dumped of at street corner on some coffee shop in town. it gives coziness, warmest, capture something that we've not seen. i felt like that's my second home.

alone by myself in the crowd makes my heart feel much better. after, i've confused for a week and has no time for myself for a long time. escaping for a while (just a couple hours) is the best solution.

i realize, people do need their own time, time to self-introspection, evaluated what we have done, think how to reach future, it felt like living in a wonderland but sometimes we do need a fairy tale story to lift our enthusiasm of life.

am not a good dreamer ain't against the reality, sometime people have to fade away from this; the hectic schedule, backstabber, fake people around, and high-pressure also.

this thing was work for me, people call me nerd-dork-crazy or what-ever they called, i don't even care, it's their choice to call like those. the important thing is i be a better person than yesterday. YES, i did (even not from all aspect :p). can't wait for my-autism-time turning on.

bytheway, this is things that accompany me.

and how's yours??

introducing you all

its my beloved camera

GIANT :)

and the story goes with him ,

1. black or white? just GREY.



with my-very-berry-first-victim.
dearest, Hanna :*

2. staring around



3. don't judge from the cover


i'm not a pro then, but i learn day by day how to capture and find a great angle from the model.
enjoyenjoyenjoy

things around head

when I am quiet . millions of things are running in my mind.

when I am not arguing . I'm thinking deeply.

when I do answer 'I am fine' after a few seconds, I'm not fine at all.

when I stare at you . I wonder why you are lying.

» Those things above I get from broadcast message from friends. I edited some of it, I choose the MOST I am. then here those are things which is so indicate my-own-self.




♥ Я

yes, I still do

After march incident I'm still like this. still stuck with you, won't moving on, faking in front of people, act like I do fine, cover the feeling up ! Now, in my stillness. yet, still into him.

for several months I expect person similar with him or even give the secure like he does. no one! not even one like that. Compare each other isn't mature way, but what can I say? Its just happen. Like what I said the most, IF IT SHOULD HAPPEN , LET IT BE ! Can't against - deny - or any words of it. It comes to me because (still) I won't moving on.

All I can do is NOTHING. Seeing he's on a date or in love with, hurtful but it open up my eyes to face the reality, wake up from sweet dreams !
From now on, stop comparing ! No more IT expectation. Just find what I want, no need in a hurry, slow but sure.

gdnite, blue me :)



♥ Я

ways to get closer with

so rare !! I'm home before 12 on monday. Not in a mood to go nowhere and think I need my quality time for sure. Time to get enough sleep, planned to have some photo shot alone, wanted watch dvd's all day long, read most-looked-for novel and try to understand the lecturer. then the last one, i gotta try my new-game-bie. hm, that's point blank , the PC games that i wanted to play beside the sims3 (it's online games actually). i'm to curious to try! lalalala. but before,,

I had a story to share, my routine activity on saturday or sunday. Yep! daily-routine when weekend comes around.

firstly, saturday afternoon daddy's come to town. He's back from work once a week. saturday (for me) is the same day with other day. prefer to accompany mommy at home than go out or hung up, while sisters usually planned with their bf. when daddy's coming home, we usually had dinner together and (sometimes) when in a very awful mood, parents took me out of home just to looking for what i want, somehow we always hook at starbucks to lift my mood.

Second, on Sunday. we have our routine time to find or buy our needs! it can be for the pc, phone, car or anything else *pst, too bad i can't find any lenses for my giant! it's cause the store closed on sunday*. while we're in the car, we always had precious conversation. I don't even know why can't we talk the important things in a very normal way? like others family does. we share and discuss it on the car! can you imagine? it'll ruin our mood frequently (especially me and sisters). but back then, that's us :)

Third, laugh tears anger mood expression are expressed on car! car are everything. but wait! we did talk at home sometimes, when the problem's are to crucial then needed couple hours to talk.

Fourth, when MONDAY comes around, dad chauffeured me off to college in a very early morning, when sisters out of the car. i dunno why! he gives me some bucks, he said 'takut kurang, nang!' hey dad! i already have monthly-cash from mom, then why i should get some more? but then i realize there's special connection between you and me, dad. that's why i do love and adore you much more than everything in this world.

Fifth, actually this is my own routine! lol. i can't get enough sleep on sunday night. worked so hard to fallen asleep. when put away phone wasn't work for good. used sleep-well aren't work too. it's frustrating times! when you realize that you should wake up in a very berry early morning, but still you can't close the eyes. yeah, it's always happen in my sunday night. -.-"

well, well, well, there's many rules and rutinities here but just 5 things that i can remember. i'll check on it later when i remembered :P

WELCOMING TUESDAY, *longlongday.

♥ Я

PERFECT end's

I started today in a very sleepy and clumsy mood. I wasn't in the mood to have any conversation with others.

me and family planned to go to some phone stores, to change my awful anti-gores ! I don't know why, weekend went so wrong and soooo-not lately for me! Why can't I have a great sunday like after? bring them back !!! Bring my mood back !!!!! I couldn't find myself back (again) this isn't me. SO NOT ME.

and about the task? *sigh. don't even want talk about it.
it really made my day went so awful ,yeah AWFUL!!!! PERFECT.



♥ Я

less to know

I wonder, that i just know less then i know now.
why?

- rantinauli

PERFECTIONISM

setiap individu pasti ada sifat perfeksionis. selalu ingin melakukan yang terbaik, hal itu yang memicu adanya spirit dan ada tujuan untuk meraih cita-cita. ada spirit dalam hidup, motivator dalam diri. berusaha sekuat tenaga untuk mencapainya. memikirkan setiap detail yang ada.
mencari yang terbaik dalam kumpulan terbaik.

walaupun begitu, keinginan membuat semua menjadi SEMPURNA tidak selalu berjalan mulus. selalu ada hambatan, berpikir menggunakan logika! apabila kita memohon pada tuhan sesuatu, apa tuhan langsung memberikannya?

tuhan pasti memberikan kita satu jalan untuk menggapai itu semua.
tuhan tidak memberikan hal itu secara langsung tanpa usaha yang berarti.
yang aku tahu, tuhan sayang semua umatnya. tetapi bagi aku tuhan tidak mau memanjakan umatnya. tuhan ingin umatnya berusaha dan bersyukur tiap jerih payah yang dilakukan. selain itu pula, ketika akan mencapai GOAL kita, selalu berpikir we're not done our best. whereas we did it.
kita akan selalu merasa kurang akan effort yang kita keluarkan, merasa kurang maximal, dan tidak puas. yeah! itulah ciri manusia. sedikit bahaya juga, apabila manusia mudah puas. dengan begitu there's no more faith. merasa enough and satisfy with all of it. sedangkan waktu terus berjalan dan sebelum semuanya berakhir manusia harus melakukan hal yang berguna bukan? itulah kita tetap memerlukan rasa ketidakpuasan itu (in positive ways, indeed)

for example, i just read upi's blog (ya, upi avianto sutradara). when she was in the making of serigala terakhir, she said over and over again, that indirecly ia merasa tidak melakukan yang terbaik, kurang maksimal, dll. but for sure, the movie was awesome. untuk hitungan perfilman indonesia, itu film kena maksudnya. it reachs its goal (in my opinion) it wasn't full-action movie, but its closest to it. jangan membandingkan film ini dengan film action luar. jelas itu bukan suatu bandingan! film ini membuat saya mengacungkan jempol.

disini terlihat bahwa setiap manusia selalu merasa kurang. disitulah muncul karakter perfectionis manusia. tetapi bagi saya sifat perfectionis itu memberikan energi positif, dengan begitu manusia mau berkarya hingga menghasilkan yang terbaik, memperbaiki kesalahan yang dibuat, introspeksi diri, dan lain hal.

this perfectionism leads us to be better man day by day.

Imperfection makes perfection

kekurangan yang menjadikan manusia lebih kuat dan merasa sempurna karena belajar dari kekurangannya sendiri. saya memang tidak seperti orang kebanyakan dengan segala keindahan mereka. tidak memiliki kaki super jenjang, badan idaman, kulit putih cerah, wajah yang ciamik, otak yang brilian, tutur kata yang manis, kedewasaan dan juga jiwa wanita dalam diri.

itu semua bukan saya.

tetapi terkadang dengan segala kekurangan yang saya miliki, saya bersyukur. itu yang membuat saya berbeda dengan yang ada, membuat saya berpikir. (memang) terkadang dengan perbedaan yang saya miliki, lebih besar rasa iri dibandingkan bersyukur. seiring dengan bertumbuhnya diri dan banyak mendengar saran orang lain, mulailah pemikiran yang tidak terpikirkan.

ketika orang-orang berlomba mengeriting rambut mereka, saya sudah memilikinya. dengan kulit cokelat, garis muka yang berbeda, dan sikap yang sebenarnya tanpa berusaha menjadi fake (agar diterima). saya membawa diri saya yang sebenarnya.

kekurangan diri terkadang menjadikan kurang kepercayaan diri. saya akui, IYA (memang).
minder, merasa kurang. tetapi think it over again, kekurangan kita menjadikan kita lebih kuat dari orang-orang yang (nyaris) sempurna.
orang yang dewasa itu, orang tahu kekurangan dalam dirinya.
orang yang yang mengetahui kekurangannya dan berlapang dada mendengarkan kritikan adalah orang yang siap akan kenyataan.
siapa yang sadar akan hidup dalam kehidupan yang nyata adalah orang yang kuat.

saran dari teman , sahabat , keluarga.
baik manis hingga pahit dengan berbagai macam cara penyampaian itu yang menyadarkan saya,
dibalik segala kekurangan pasti seseorang itu memiliki sesuatu yang dapat ditunjukkan. sesuatu yang tidak orang lain miliki. begitu juga, dibalik suatu kesempurnaan pasti ada kekurangannya.
beruntungnya, they could cover their imperfection up, but we're not.

ps : mungkin posting kali ini, terasa seperti suatu pembenaran bagi diri saya sendiri atau hanya untuk menyadarkan diri saya, bahwa saya memiliki sesuatu (walaupun belum disadari). but the truth is this post courages me that i should be gratefull with my-own-self.